I was shopping at one of our local discount warehouse stores today, you know the one.....the kind of store where you can get 1,000 rolls of toilet paper for $10 or a 7-pound bag of potatoes for $3, yeah that's the store.
Anyway, as I was going through one of the aisles I notice a little boy, maybe 6 or 7, sitting on the ground playing with a handheld game. No one is around him. No adults, no other children, no one! He was the only one in the aisle. I couldn't leave him, even though I didn't need anything down that row. I also notice that at the end of the aisle, was the huge emergency exit door. Now before you start thinking I was planning my great escape, just know that I'm desperate to have a baby but not THAT desperate! I'm crazy and all, but not Lifetime Movie crazy! :)
Time is slowly passing and still no sign of a parent or any other adult looking for this little boy. He must of thought I was crazy because I just stood there with my cart staring at the same box of crackers so I could keep my eye on him. I finally spoke to him, without coming off as the 'creepy stranger woman'. I asked him where his parents were and he told me they took his brother to the bathroom and that he should wait there.
It then dawned on me, that this couldn't be real and I MUST be on the ABC show, "What Would You Do!" You know the one with John Quinones where they test normal people in strange situations. This was it! Of course I get excited, because I know I did the right thing by not leaving him alone. I looked down and realize I look like a hot ass mess in my messy ponytail/bun thing, capris, flipflops, and no makeup, but I was also happy that I had on my Michigan t-shirt! If I was going to be on TV, at least I had on one of my Michigan shirts to represent my mitten state that I miss so dearly! Priorities, people...priorities! :) I quickly put on some lipgloss so that I wouldn't look completely homely on camera. I wait and I wait.....where's John? How long does it take for him to come out from his hiding place? People come and go, and it's been 15 minutes now. No John Quinones, and still no parents. Maybe this is real...maybe there is no TV show.
Now I'm fuming! If this shit is real, where are these parents?!? Do I take him up to customer service or does that look like I'm trying to kidnap him? Do I hope another adult comes down the aisle so I can ask them to go and get help so I don't leave him alone right next to an exit door? What the hell do I do? This is exactly why this must be the TV show!
Next thing I know, a couple comes down the aisle and so does a man who speaks to the little boy. The little boy gets up and starts walking towards him. I wasn't going to say anything, but I couldn't NOT say anything either! "Are you this boys father?!" "Where have you been!" "You can't just leave a little boy like that alone especially right next to an exit sign! What's wrong with you!!!" He apologized and I lost it even more! I snapped! "You should be sorry! Anyone could have taken him and left out that door! What's wrong with you?!?" I couldn't stop. I laid into him, and now I have an audience. I didn't care. What is wrong with people? I turned to the couple watching me and asked them if I was in the wrong. They thought the little boy was mine. The father kept apologizing and finally I just walked away....with a few more choice words directed at the 'father'
I looked up, rolled my eyes and laughed! "So THEY can have children and I can't...funny! Very funny!" Of course, I later apologized to God for rolling my eyes at him and being a sassy brat...but c'mon really! What the fuck!
So the moral of this story I guess is....never go out grocery shopping at the warehouse store without looking half way decent because you may (or may not) be on a hidden camera TV show. And if you're not, and go bat shit crazy on a parent for their bad parenting, it will help your case of not looking so psychotic if you don't look like a homeless crazy woman! :)
So what would you have done?
