12 Years and Counting...

Today, June 1st 2016, marks the official day twelve years ago that we started trying to have a baby.  Today marks the 12th year!  12!  TWELVE! Fuck!  I can't think of anything else that I have tried doing for twelve years over and over again (with only negative results) that I haven't given up on yet. Seriously....fuuuuuuuck!

So as I sit back and reflect on this, and this number, I have come to realize that I am either one of two things:

1. A complete dumbass
2. A complete badass

Anyone that knows me would have to agree I'm most definitely a little bit of both, but I like to lean towards the second...a complete and utter badass. So as a self-proclaimed badass I'm just going to raise a glass of wine tonight and toast to my badass-ery! Yes that's a real word...at least in my world, and since it's my blog I'm using it! :) 

How many people do you know that would try over and over (and over...and over...and over...and over...) again with nothing to show for it? I just continue to pick myself up off the floor (literally) and try again.  The next round of shots and stirrups seem to be getting longer in between the round before, but I'm still at it. I'm still fighting. I'm still trying. I'm just not ready to give up yet. That in itself is what makes me a badass!  I may need to give up soon and move on, but for now, in this moment, I will continue to wear my invisible badass cape, raise a glass of wine and reflect on these past 12 years. I will reflect on the amazing friends I have made (and the friends I have lost). The pressure this has put on my marriage and the knowledge of knowing that my marriage is rock solid because we have come out swinging and fighting and have done it together. The fact that I have no regrets knowing that I have tried almost everything in my power. So many reflections, so many memories, so many struggles, and yes, so many triumphs. 

I also raise a glass to all of the couples out there still fighting, like us, to beat this disease and to overcome the hand that was dealt to us. To those couples that have tried & moved on to childless lives, and to those that have resolved your family building, you too, are all badasses!  So here's to us...all of us!  

The #1in8 

Cheers!

Hope Award for Best Blog (Grateful...and Confused)

I'm still in awe and shock! I was just nominated for Resolve's Hope Award for Best Blog.  Me!  Yeah...me!  You can't believe it either can you?!?  I know I can't!

I know a few people read this blog, but I don't have the following like a lot of my blogger friends do. I say the "f" word in my blogs...a lot!  I don't write in a 'professional' manner but more-so from my heart like a diary or a journal. A way to blow off steam about my angry uterus, while trying to help even just one person going through the same thing. This is just blowing my mind!

I used to always make fun of the celebrities in Hollywood who were nominated for an Oscar or an Emmy who stated, "It's just an honor to be nominated" I would laugh at them while calling the bullshit card!  Who wants to be just nominated?!? You want to win! Maybe it's the competitive nature in me, but I always thought that statement was BS.....until yesterday. Until I was nominated for an award..this award!

I know I'm not going to win.  I know my blog isn't on the same level as the others who entered.  Hell....I wrote the blog after a four month hiatus because I was so sad and lost after my 2nd IVF loss after the 4 prior IUI losses. I also wrote it on the last day they were accepting admissions.  The only reason I entered the blog post was because I felt so strongly about the topic.  It meant a lot to me, and I knew I needed to start blogging again.

I can honestly say, it is TRULY an honor just to be nominated.  I have no words...none!  And for those of you that know me in 'real' life know....that is a hard thing to come by! :)

For those of you that read this blog, and have voted for me...THANK YOU!  Thank you from the bottom of my heart for thinking so much of this little blog to vote for it.  I'm completely honored and humbled by your comments and support!

Love you all!
xoxo

http://www.resolve.org/vote