Hi! Remember Me?

Hey friends! Remember me....the smartass blogger who writes about the ins and outs of my uterus and infertility journey with a funny twist. Wow, it's been longer than I thought.  A lot longer!  I thought my last post was a few months ago, maybe even a year, but to see that it's been two whole years is kind of shocking, and embarrassing! Cue the face palm emoji.

I used to love blogging.  I still do.  I miss it greatly. But here's the thing, I wasn't quite sure what to write about now that our journey with trying to conceive is over. I'm happy with our decision, and I felt guilty for that. I feel like I'm the constant reminder to people still going through infertility treatments that they don't always work, and people don't want to think about that.  No matter how much you pray, spend money, try, wish and bargain with God, sometimes they just don't work, and that’s shitty.  I'm that black cloud in people's dreams.  I'm the one that wanted it SO badly, but now is living a childless life.  I'm the one that tried for 13 years before changing paths.  I'm the one where the injections, the IUIs and the IVFs didn't work. People don't want to be reminded that no matter how desperately you want a baby, sometimes it doesn't work out the way you hoped or planned.  For this reason, I have backed away from helping with our monthly Resolve support group meetings.  I want people, especially the new people, to have hope. I want them to be excited in this shit show of circumstances they were forced to accept and I don't feel I'm the right person for that at this moment in time. I've been through a lot and have suffered a lot, and I want them to still have hope. I don’t want them to hear about everything we endured and have nothing to show for it.

Here's the thing though.  I don't regret it. Not one treatment, not one second spent trying, not the tens of thousands of dollars spent out of our own pockets, not the millions of tears, nothing.  I still think I'm one of the lucky ones.  Yep, you read that correctly.  I'm super lucky.  You know why....because we got to try! Do you know how many of my friends are sitting in limbo because they can't afford to even try?  It's heartbreaking.  We got to try.  We got to try a lot.  In total, we tried nine IUI treatments and twice with IVF...without insurance coverage (don't even get me started on this subject! Grrrrr)! I'm lucky for getting to try.  I'm grateful.  I can honestly say, that I'm happy.  It's not the life I planned or hoped for, but it's my life and I'm happy.

So now what?  Where does my blog go from here? I'm not quite sure yet, but I know that I miss sharing my life with all of you and I miss the free therapy I get when I'm writing. So expect to see a lot more of me, my sass and where my new childfree life is taking me!