Here's how my latest TWW mind fuck went...
As luck would have it, I was actually late ovulating this month and was able to do my trigger shot Sunday morning (while still camping!), so this would be good sign #2!
We went in Monday morning (President's Day - good sign #3) and had our first IUI (thanks https://www.etsy.com/shop/pkvPrint for the awesome shirt and IUI socks!!!) Today's theme: Fuck Infertility! I will beat you!
Now here is where the real fun begins..... the TWW mind fuck
Day 1 - Doctor tells you to act like you are pregnant (so now I'm PUPO-Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise), and to take it easy. Bed rest, meditation, visualizing, praying, begging and pleading have now begun! This is also day one of my progesterone shots...in the ass! Right butt cheek is up for duty.
Day 2 - I feel a twinge and some cramping! YES! That must be implantation right??!? No it can't be...too early. Should I take a pregnancy test just in case? NO! Just relax! 2nd ass shot (left ass cheek)
Day 3 - Go back to work. Can people tell I may be pregnant? Am I glowing? C'mon people, say something...no wait, don't! I don't want to tell anyone. More cramping. This must be implantation, even though it's way too early! Right ass cheek back up for duty.
Day 4 - More cramping. I just want to stay home and caress my fat roll/possible baby growing area. More visualizing of the process (sperm meeting egg, doing the dirty deed, creating embryo, traveling down Fallopian tubes, implanting into uterus, bells and whistles going off, party happening in my gut etc.). Lots of praying, begging & pleading. Was that a twinge? Maybe I should test....no still too early. Resist testing, Kristy. Resist! Left ass cheek ready!
Days 5-7 First week down. Resisted temptations to take a pregnancy test. Tried to stay off Dr. Google with all of my symptoms and non symptoms....failed miserably! Right, Left and then back to right ass cheek for more shots.
Days 8-9 Enough of this shit already! I just want to know. I go to take a test, and resist again. Too early! Pat myself on the back for resisting temptation. More shots, more ass bruising, more time sitting on a heating pad! My end table is starting to look like a drug dealers haven!
Day 11 & 12- Maybe today I should test? No, give it another day or two. Resisted testing. Try to stay focused at work (in an elementary school) More Dr. Google at home before my next shot. More time on my heating pad. More praying, begging, and pleading. Maybe I should look for a church so God knows I'm serious about my bargains and pleads. Was that a twinge? Did I just feel implantation this time? Do my boobs hurt (grab boobs to check...nope. Have Dave grab my boobs to see if there's any soreness....nope.) Dammit!
Day 13 - I can't take it.....I test again. BFN. That's ok. The test was broken. I've heard of that happening before. You hear of people (you know, the one in a million) where they get the false negative. That must be me! Then I start contemplating what great odd that is, and think about going for a lottery ticket, but my ass hurts too much and I don't want to move off my heating pad.
Day 14 - official test day! BFN on the first test. Take another test because that bastard must be old and past expiration. 2nd test, negative. 4 tests later, same negative results.
Dammit, fuck, no!!!!! Pull myself up off the bathroom floor, dry my tears, start breathing normal again and decide that I'm changing religions and joining a polygamist cult....those bitches NEVER have infertility issues! Then I remember that I am WAY too sassy to be stifled with boring dresses and neutral colors! So instead I put my big girl pants on , raise two middle fingers and scream, Fuck You Infertility! Fuck You!