B!%ch Please...

The really great thing about opening up and talking about our infertility struggles is the feeling of knowing I've helped people!  Infertility seems like it is still such a taboo topic.  You don't want to talk about it.  You don't want to be judged. You don't want to look "broken" in the eyes of others. Some people are still ashamed to come out and admit that they've had problems having a baby....and I can't blame them. I was the same way up until a month ago and I'm now trying to be the voice that can help other people not feel ashamed.

Along with the good of opening up also comes the bad. You hear all of the stupid advice (I can tell the difference between advice that comes from love and from your heart, and the advice that comes from ignorance and spite), stupid shit that people say, and the "tag-alongs".  This is the worst! Some people, usually the oh-so-annoying one-uppers, want to join your "club".  This is a club I never wanted to belong to.  One I STILL don't want to belong to, but my membership card has been stamped, sealed and delivered.  Like it or not, I'm a card carrying member of infertility. I would never wish this on anyone so why-oh-why would you want to be a part of this?!? I don't think I will ever understand.

What I'm talking about are the stories people come to you with to try and "fit-in" with you. All of them have the same knee-jerk response from me..."Bitch please!" (insert eye roll here too!)  Here's some of the honest to goodness stories I've heard and been told.

• "I almost had to go to a fertility doctor too.  We tried for a whole month and never got pregnant so I thought something was wrong like you, but then we got pregnant the next month so I guess I'm okay." 
• Bitch please!  A whole month?!?!  Wow that must have been awful! So you thought something was wrong...like me. Thanks!
• "I was told that I might not be able to have kids so we didn't try and I got pregnant by accident on our honeymoon.  This whole infertility thing with us sucks huh?!?"
• Bitch please! How the hell are you suffering with infertility...oh yeah that's right you were told you might not be able to. But wait..bitch you got pregnant on accident on your honeymoon.  I'm happy for you, but please, WE are not alike!
• "We are so similar. I have fertility problems just like you, and my doctor told me I can't get pregnant until I lose weight."
• Bitch please...twice!  First I lost almost 50 pounds and don't think I need to lose more weight to get pregnant...not a single doctor has said this to me. Second, Bitch please...you just had a baby so how is this even remotely the same?!?  You do NOT have infertility problems!  It's not the same!
• "I know what your're going through. I can't get pregnant either. Not because a doctor told me so, but because I can't keep a boyfriend."
• Bitch please....this is soooooo not the same.  Plus you have two wonderful kids at home, so how is this the same?!?

I'm sure this won't be the last time I hear fake infertility stories (unfortunately) so just remember this, if I roll my eyes after your story and my only response to you is, "Bitch Please...", then I'm on to you and  I will gladly switch membership cards with you any day!

I don't think I will ever understand why some people want to one up everyone, and why anyone would want to be a part of this "club".  There are too many members as it is.  All of us that are going through infertility all have different stories.  Not everyone's story will sound like mine.  Some are much worse, and some have the  happy endings we all dream of. I'm here for you if you need me, want to open up or just need a shoulder to cry on but please don't try to fit in and tell me your "infertility" story if you don't have one.  If you are going through this awful journey though, I hope this blog and my story will help you in some way.

If you are going through infertility, then you might be able to relate to my story.  If you aren't going through this, then maybe my story will help you understand and be there for a friend who is.  Just because you aren't going through it doesn't mean you can make up stories to "relate".  Just being there to listen is good enough. You don't' have to understand what we are going through, but know that you are making it worse by lying to "fit" in or one upping us to become a member of a club that we don't want to belong to in the first place. Be happy you don't have an all expense (unpaid) pass to our club meetings, because trust me...this shit is expensive! But hey...if you want to "relate" so bad, claim infertility, and fit in, I'll make a deal with you.  I will create a personalized membership card just for you and send you the invoice.  All it will cost you is one all-expense paid IVF cycle paid in full to my infertility doctor...for me!  :)