Sunday, January 26, 2014

Bad Swimmers or Scrambled Eggs?

Now  that we're blogging about infertility we get a lot of people asking questions, talking to us about their struggles with infertility, and a lot of prayers and well wishes (keep them coming!!!)! This has been amazing in so many ways!  I don't feel so alone anymore and a part of me feels like I'm helping other couples going through the same thing. So far this has been an amazing experience...the blog, not the infertility!

So I got this question recently about our infertility…”So whose fault is it anyway?”  At first I was caught off guard but I answered like any person would, and stated the results of our numerous tests we've had. I wasn't offended by the curiosity (c’mon I’m blogging about my sex life and dropping trow in the middle of doctor’s offices’…how offended could I get?!?!), but the way the question was asked had me irked.  Whose fault?!?  Fault insinuates that there's blame in our situation.  Fault is negative. Fault suggests that there should be guilt and one of us ought to be ashamed of our infertility.

So now here is my new answer to that question: Infertility is happening to US!  We are a team.  Does it really matter if he has bad swimmers or if I have broken and scrambled eggs?  We are a united front and this is happening to the both of us. I don’t blame him, and he doesn't blame me.  Infertility is so hard on a marriage as it is, that if we started blaming each other for it we would have been divorced years ago. If you want to move forward, then you can’t have blame.  When asking, “Whose fault is it?” then you're assigning blame to a hard enough situation.  Come to think about it, I really should respond to that question with “Whose fault is it that you're so stupid and insensitive you Jackass!?”

Since we are now an open book about our journey and our struggles with infertility and we know people have questions, how about asking it like this: “Do you know the cause of your infertility?” or “Do you know the reason?” I’m not the most PC person, as you can tell by all of my swearing and snarkiness in my posts, but have a little common courtesy people.  Think before you speak because if you don’t, I may just end up calling you a jackass and direct you to my blog post Stupid S#!t People Say!

I would never wish infertility on anyone! It's not a "club" you want to belong to (as some people think it is...more on that later!) It's hard enough on a couple as it is without adding blame into the mix.  I've heard stories of where infertility has ripped people apart. I will not let that happen to us.  We've been through this together for 10 years.  We are a team, and we are one!  There isn't fault...but there is hope!


  1. Dear Kristy...I am living proof that a child can be conceived despite what the experts say. My parents tried for 10 years to conceive. Only when they stopped focusing on conception did it actually happen. Sometimes you just have to put it in God's hands and enjoy the ride. There is a plan in play and we just don't know the details. Plus...oh yeah....I had to wait around 10 years to make sure that I would be here at the right time to agitate all my current fellow co-workers. LOL! Forget the blame game. When the time is right, it will happen...and not a second earlier.