Seriously?!?

***DISCLAIMER***

- A major adult temper tantrum rant is about to happen below.  Close your webpage if you don't want to be subjected...I won't blame you if you turn back now!

Last chance to turn away....

I had to stop at one of the local superstores the other day for a few items.  On my way in, there was this woman with 2 kids around 6 & 8.  Who knows what happened in the store but what happened in the parking lot was uncalled for! She was pushing the cart, they were following behind her (slowly) and she kept yelling at them, "Hurry the F*#k up!" "Quit effing talking!" "Shut the eff up!"  Ummmmm seriously...she has kids and I don't...nice!

Later that day...yep same day...I'm at another store in line and a young(ish) woman in her mid 20's with 3 kids is talking the same way to her children...ALL of which are under the age of 5!  I mean come on people!!! Seriously?!  I know life's not fair...but c'mon!

What the f#@k is wrong with parents now a days?!? If you don't want to parent, then don't get knocked up!   You DO know what causes this whole pregnancy thing right?!?! Parenting is hard work!  Yes I know, I'm reminded all the effing time that I'm not a mom so how would I know.  Let me tell you something....I was a kindergarten teacher!!!  You have 2 kids for a few hours a day, I had 30 of them BY MYSELF most of the day Monday-Friday!  It's hard work and GREAT practice in becoming a parent! You have to do what you say and say what you mean!  End of story!  They are children. If you show weakness, then they win!  Teaching for so long has given me practice...lots and lots of practice...so I don't need you to remind me that I "don't know what I'm talking about!" Shut the f#@% up!

It really pisses me off when I see all these "parents" that don't have time to parent their kids. They put their kids in front of the TV or iPad so they don't have to deal with them, and then keep popping babies out left and right.  Here I sit (in stirrups!) paying all this money trying to have just one! I know my time will come and if one more person tells me "oh just wait..." I think I might scream!

So here's a piece of advice from a non-mom (who's trying desperately to be a mom no matter the cost or the price) to all you moms that don't want to parent because it's interfering with your life....grow up and woman up! It is your duty as a mom to BE a mom!  Yes, it's hard..if you don't want to do it, then stop having babies!!!  Stop talking to your children as if they are 20 year old sailors! Educate your children, raise them to be productive humans in our society and not bratty kids who think they are owed something!  Teach them the meaning of respect, and the meaning of the word no!  Quit giving in to them, just because it's "easier" to give in to what they want instead of teaching them to work hard for what they want.  Too many kids feel entitled..stop it! Be a parent, and not their friend!  And if you can't...stop complaining to me about how your kids won't listen to you!  I'm done!

Ok, I feel better now!  :)
Where's the wine?!?!

Poked, Prodded...and Pictures!

So today I had another appointment related to the IVF study that we're trying so hard to get into!  This was actually a first for me.  Now, as most of you have read I've been poked, prodded, and pricked time and time again.  Another test, another dollar (hundreds), another set of stirrups.  I've seen it all, done it all, been through it all...or at least I thought! This was yet, another first for me. I even took pictures! (Nooooo, not those kinds of pictures!  C'mon my parents read this blog! :) I'm taking pictures to document all the things we go through to try to have a baby..medically speaking! Plus Dave is out of town and missed this appointment, so I was able to "include" him with all that I went through during our FaceTime session! HA!)

Today was a beautiful day outside (70 degrees!) and I didn't have to break my tradition of wearing a sundress for my appointment...you know for easy access! :)  They gave me some privacy (to take off my shoes) so I decided to take as many pictures for you all as possible without getting X-Rated and taking the pictures while I was in the stirrups...I do have some limits!

Anyway, I had to go in today to have a hydrosonogram done.  I've had an HSG before (basically dye shot into your uterus and Fallopian tubes while you're in the stirrups to see if your tubes are blocked at all while the room is full of doctors and nurses and one doctor is taking pictures of the inside of your body while you just stare at the ceiling spread eagle with your Hoo-Ha exposed to the world.  Yep, there's no modesty in any of this...) So I thought I knew basically what this was.  My doctor explained that it was similar but instead of dye it was a saline solution.  He would also be swabbing the inside of me with Betadine and of course...Mr. Ultrasound wand.   Here's the proof that my doctor's office does not use the white skinny wand like I wrote about in my earlier post, but instead the ultrasound dildo! What happened to the skinny ultrasound wand that everyone is always talking about?!?!  Huh?!?!  Where?!?! See!!!  Are you done laughing yet?!? :)

So my doctor and my nurse come in, and my doctor asks if it's ok with me that an intern join us.  My response to him is, "Of course it's alright!  I think everyone in this building has seen my Hoo-Ha by now, what's one more!"  My nurse giggles, the intern awkwardly giggles and my doctor, with his dry sense of humor, gives me a smirk!  Now that is HUGE for him!  Love him, but trying to get the man to crack a smile or tell a joke takes a lot out of me...but it is my mission everytime I see him!

He explains the procedure again, pulls over the ultrasound cart, gets me in the stirrups and we begin.  The lights go off, the TV on the wall turns on and the show begins...minus the popcorn.

The poor student intern (who is standing next to me by my face and not standing at the Hoo-Ha end) looks so uncomfortable! I feel bad for her so I look over and ask her if this is the type of medicine she wants to specialize in.  I catch her off guard and startle her.  I tell her "I'm just trying to make you more comfortable"  She looks at me shocked at says, "You are trying to make me more comfortable?!? You're the one in the stirrups with all of us in here!"  Yeah, but I'm used to this...was my response.  She proceed to tell me that no, this was not going to be her specialty (Thank God! lol)



So my doc pokes, prods, pokes some more and then realizes he needs something from the nurse.  She had to leave the room so my doctor wheels away from my Hoo-Ha so he can look me in my eyes and asks if I"m having fun yet! I started laughing (still in stirrups by the way) and say, "Oh yeah it's a real party in here!  Where's my balloons?!?"  Then he did it...he actually snickered!!!  I did it!  I did my job! I made him laugh!  We then proceed to talk about the upcoming golf tournament that will be going on to raise awareness for IF and funds for our group...all while I"m spread eagle in stirrups! Nothing ceases to amaze me anymore!

So back to the procedure....He coats my insides with Betadine with this ginormous q-tip looking thing (you should have seen Dave's reaction when he saw the picture here!  HA! Priceless!)

Then comes the syringe of saline...and when I say syringe you picture a normal size syringe right?!?  Nope, not for me....this is the syringe of saline I got for this procedure!  Yep!

 Now comes Mr. Ultrasound "wand" for some pictures.  There's tugging, prodding, poking, pulling, moving that thing around trying to get the best angle and the best picture and then finally it's over!  YAY! Oh wait...I'm leaking saline now everywhere.  Oh dear God are you serious! This is actually so embarrassing!  I'm in the stirrups (still!) spread eagle, leaking saline all over the table and now I hear it hitting the floor and my doctor rolls over and asks me a question! What?!  Hey doc...I'm a leaking faucet over here...can we talk about this in a minute!  To be honest, I have NO idea what he just asked me because all I'm concerned about right now is the fact that I'm leaking saline (oh God...I HOPE that's saline) all over the table and floor! I can expose my Hoo-Ha to the whole room and I'm not embarrassed, but have me leak all over the floor and I want to die! HA!   So I decide to suck it up and make a joke out of it! What else can I do in this situation right?!? :) He says I can get up..finally...and he'll talk to me in a minute.

I get cleaned up, dried off and get my shoes back on to go find out the news. Is it good, is it bad, what did he find?!? Is there still a puddle of saline out there on the floor!?!?  Oh hell...suck it up buttercup and get back out there! You can do this!  Time to face the music...

Doc lets me know that my uterus and tubes are perfect!  He found nothing!  YAY!  So I went through all of this and it was all worth it!  We are officially another step closer to IVF!

Keep the prayers coming!

Grateful & Guilty

I'm in a weird place right now that has me all kinds of mixed up.... As you know (if you've been following this blog since January) Dave and I have been on this infertility roller coaster for almost 10 years now. We've gone through the ups, the downs, being hopeful, being disappointed (time and time again!) laughing, crying, screaming, blocking all emotions, contentment, and sometimes all of it mixed into one.

I found my infertility support group and my whole life changed all in one summer. I found women who knew what I was going through and understood...like REALLY understood.  Not "pretending to understand" or wishing they could understand...but really understood all of this (unfortunately!) My hope began again.  We went to the fertility clinic again.  Started the tests again and finally took the next step.  Started the meds, went in month after month for IUI (turkey baster procedure) after IUI and the disappointment and frustration started all over again...but at least we were going in the right direction!

Then it happened...no not that (*insert eye roll here because now every time I have "news" people always assume that I'm about to make a pregnancy announcement! It's so damn annoying!  Give me some credit people..I have a Pinterest account! :) If and when I make a pregnancy announcement, it's going to be kickass!)..but an opportunity that presented itself that I didn't think was possible.  The fertility clinic that we go to in our area put out a commercial stating that they were going to do a new study and it would offer IVF to women who passed the screening at a HUGE discount!  I didn't see the commercial but a friend in my support group posted the information to our site.  I wasn't going to apply for it because there was talk about the study being closed already because of all the applicants.  Someone told me to try for it, so what the hell....why not! I'm usually an optimistic person, but I knew I wouldn't be chosen or pass the screening because so many other people that were deserving in our group didn't pass. But I called....no answer.  So I called again....voicemail! I called a third time...damn it! voicemail again! Ok I get it, this was some kind of sick joke or the study really was happening and they had so many phone calls and closed the study already and just decided that they would just send all of the new phone calls straight to voicemail.  Either way...oh well, I tried. One of the 10,000 reasons we started with IUI instead of IVF (petri dish procedure) was because of money and I really thought it would happen on my first try! $500-$700 vs $12,000-$17,000 makes for an easy decision! IVF though was our next step and this study would have been a great opportunity for us.  So I said fuck it...what else do I have to lose!  I called a fourth time, got voicemail and decided to leave a message.  Worse case scenario they don't call back.  15 minutes later though, they did call back!

The woman and I talked for about 5 minutes and my heart was pounding through my chest.  Every question she asked me led to another question. My voice was shaking through the whole phone screening. I even dropped the phone twice because my hand and my voice were both shaking at the same time now! What was happening to me?! What was my problem?!? The questions then stopped and that's when I knew she was going to thank me for calling and wish me a good day but tell me I wasn't a good candidate for this study...but that's not what she said.  She said, "Wonderful! I'm going to pass on your information to  our study coordinator and she'll be in touch for the next step"  Wha what!??!?  I passed?!?!  You mean I really passed!  Ok, now I know that this isn't the end and I"m in...but I passed the first round!  This is a HUGE ginormous step in the right direction toward IVF! I'm so grateful for this opportunity!

Then it hit...guilt! I'm blessed to have passed the pre-screening, but no one else in my group had.  I was the only one to move on.  Why?  So many other woman have paid tens of thousands of dollars to try to have a baby and I haven't paid nearly that yet.  Don't get me wrong we've spent tons of money; thousands,  but some woman have paid so much more! I should be so grateful, but instead right now I feel so guilty that I could possibly be chosen for this study. Guilty that my dreams may finally come true while others still wait and try.  I know I shouldn't feel guilty, but I can't help it.  We've tried for almost 10 years to get this close. I need to hold on to that hope and just continue to pray for those who haven't had their dream come true yet...because technically we are still part of that group.  I'm not in the study (yet!), we haven't done IVF (yet!) and I still don't have a baby (yet!).

So I guess I'm going to end this post by asking all of you for a favor.  Whatever you believe, please say a little prayer for Dave and I, and also for everyone out there suffering and living with infertility that all of our dreams may one day come true!

Oops, Wrong Doctor!

We all make mistakes, right?!?  We accidentally buy the red apples instead of the green apples. We forget to pick up the milk when we're at the grocery store. We call someone by the wrong name. We strip and get half naked for the dentist.....ummmmm oops, wrong doctor! Sorry Dr. S! C'mon, you mean to tell me you've never done that before?!?

When a woman, such as myself, is going through infertility it becomes second nature to just get half naked at every doctor's appointment without having to be told to do so. We sometimes forget that the dentist, who is still a doctor, is not the kind of doctor that wants to see you naked... hopefully! :) We get so used to dropping trow whenever we go to the doctor that it becomes a routine.  We walk into the doctor's office, we drop trow, and hop on the table. Now we wait for the doctors and nurses (yes, plural...because why would we care about modestly at this point?!  The more the merrier right?!?). My doctor usually gets right down to business; not a lot of small talk....no dinner, no movie, no nothing. Can I at least get a glass of wine before we get to the next part?!?

Ultrasound time!  I remember the first time this happened. I've heard the word before.  I know the concept, even if I've never been pregnant before.  I've seen it in the movies and on TV shows. I even talked about it at my first consultation meeting with my doctor, so I knew it was coming. I'm ready!  This is going to be so cool!  I'm sitting on the table with nothing on waist down except for the sheet that they give you.  The doctors and nurses walk in and say it's time for the ultrasound and to slide on down the table and put my feet into the stirrups. Wait, what?!?!....stirrups?!?!  You said it was ultrasound time.  You know...put all the goop on my belly and then that machine thing that looks like a police radar gun goes on the goop and some black and white lines show up on the TV screen.  Why on Earth do I need to get into stirrups for that?!?! Then it happened. The nurse comes over and puts a condom on this huge dildo (yes dildo!) looking thing that is attached to a TV on a cart.  What the hell is that thing, and why did she just wheel the cart over my way? Oh, this must be some new kind of ultrasound machine just for fertility doctors! Right?!?  But wait, there's no goop on my belly and the doc just picked up the dildo with a condom on it. Wait!!! Oh dear God in heaven, please tell me that you're not about to do what I think you're about to do! Yes, yes he is!  (Thank God Dave is here in the room with me, because I don't think I could have retold the story the right way if he wasn't there to witness it!) Before I could even ask my stupid question about where the goop was for my belly, that "thing" is now doing the ultrasound....internally!!! Yep, there I am on display with not only my husband in the room but also a couple of doctors, a nurse or two and maybe some guy selling tickets to the show (I lost count of the people in the room by this point because I was still waiting for them to do an ultrasound with the goop on my belly!  Damn it people, where's my belly goop?!?!). Then I notice it, (as if this story couldn't get any more horrifying) my lady part insides are not only on display on the little TV that was on the cart with the ultrasound dildo with the condom on it, but it's ALSO on the big ass high def big-screen TV that's mounted on the wall!  Yep, there's the inside of me on full display!  The only thing missing to this multiple screen lady-part, spread eagle movie adventure was the surround sound and some popcorn! But we're not done yet, the story gets better! The "ultrasound" wand doesn't just go peacefully inside of you and take a picture....oh nooooooo! The doctor is looking for your follicles in your ovaries...both ovaries! So it goes on over to the left ovary....then over to the right.  But wait, he wants to measure the follicles he finds in the right ovary, so back on over to the right Mr. Ultrasound Wand goes.  He hangs out there for a minute, the doc talks about the size of the follicles on the right, measures them on one of the TV screens and then back over to the left we go!  Hey doc...I think I'm chocking on a piece of the condom in my mouth! Can we ease up for a minute?!?! Then it's over!  FINALLY! I'm still spread eagle laying there on the table and I look over at Dave.  He doesn't know where to look!  He's looking at the floor, he's looking at the ceiling, he looks at me! He just squeezes my hand and I am left speechless and let out a little laugh! This just happened didn't it?!? So needles to say, my first experience having an ultrasound was NOT like how I pictured it at all!

I understand what it means now and what I'm in store for! I've actually become used to this...sad I know (in more ways that one!) I even have this "adventure" down to a science. I try to wear a sundress (easier to just drop my panties rather than the whole panties, pants, shoes, socks thing), and I just hop up on the table ready for the multiple screen movie adventure to begin and hope for some good follicle news. I wait for the nurses to come in and put a condom on my friend (because we we all know that Mr. IUW (internal ultrasound wand) has been around the block a time or two.  I wasn't his first adventure of the day, and I won't be his last!..Whore!) Then I wait so I can show the whole world my lady parts while my insides are put on display on the big screen TV on the wall.  Yep, this is my life! Drop trow, hop on table, feet in stirrups, spread eagle,insert ultrasound wand, rinse and repeat.

This is the reason why I  have to be really mindful whenever I go to another type of doctor..i.e. the dentist! I have to remember that I'm actually supposed to keep ALL of my clothes on when seeing other doctors! (Keep your clothes on Kristy,  Keep your clothes on Kristy, Keep your clothes on Kristy,....is all I keep repeating when I'm in a regular doctor's office). Mistakes are bound to happen though!  Especially when you feel like all of your doctors visits are spent half naked with a condom covered wand displaying all of your lady internal parts is inside of you....right?!?  Well. the good news is, my dentist decided not to press charges. Bad news...I need to find a new dentist! :)

B!%ch Please...

The really great thing about opening up and talking about our infertility struggles is the feeling of knowing I've helped people!  Infertility seems like it is still such a taboo topic.  You don't want to talk about it.  You don't want to be judged. You don't want to look "broken" in the eyes of others. Some people are still ashamed to come out and admit that they've had problems having a baby....and I can't blame them. I was the same way up until a month ago and I'm now trying to be the voice that can help other people not feel ashamed.

Along with the good of opening up also comes the bad. You hear all of the stupid advice (I can tell the difference between advice that comes from love and from your heart, and the advice that comes from ignorance and spite), stupid shit that people say, and the "tag-alongs".  This is the worst! Some people, usually the oh-so-annoying one-uppers, want to join your "club".  This is a club I never wanted to belong to.  One I STILL don't want to belong to, but my membership card has been stamped, sealed and delivered.  Like it or not, I'm a card carrying member of infertility. I would never wish this on anyone so why-oh-why would you want to be a part of this?!? I don't think I will ever understand.

What I'm talking about are the stories people come to you with to try and "fit-in" with you. All of them have the same knee-jerk response from me..."Bitch please!" (insert eye roll here too!)  Here's some of the honest to goodness stories I've heard and been told.

• "I almost had to go to a fertility doctor too.  We tried for a whole month and never got pregnant so I thought something was wrong like you, but then we got pregnant the next month so I guess I'm okay." 
• Bitch please!  A whole month?!?!  Wow that must have been awful! So you thought something was wrong...like me. Thanks!
• "I was told that I might not be able to have kids so we didn't try and I got pregnant by accident on our honeymoon.  This whole infertility thing with us sucks huh?!?"
• Bitch please! How the hell are you suffering with infertility...oh yeah that's right you were told you might not be able to. But wait..bitch you got pregnant on accident on your honeymoon.  I'm happy for you, but please, WE are not alike!
• "We are so similar. I have fertility problems just like you, and my doctor told me I can't get pregnant until I lose weight."
• Bitch please...twice!  First I lost almost 50 pounds and don't think I need to lose more weight to get pregnant...not a single doctor has said this to me. Second, Bitch please...you just had a baby so how is this even remotely the same?!?  You do NOT have infertility problems!  It's not the same!
• "I know what your're going through. I can't get pregnant either. Not because a doctor told me so, but because I can't keep a boyfriend."
• Bitch please....this is soooooo not the same.  Plus you have two wonderful kids at home, so how is this the same?!?

I'm sure this won't be the last time I hear fake infertility stories (unfortunately) so just remember this, if I roll my eyes after your story and my only response to you is, "Bitch Please...", then I'm on to you and  I will gladly switch membership cards with you any day!

I don't think I will ever understand why some people want to one up everyone, and why anyone would want to be a part of this "club".  There are too many members as it is.  All of us that are going through infertility all have different stories.  Not everyone's story will sound like mine.  Some are much worse, and some have the  happy endings we all dream of. I'm here for you if you need me, want to open up or just need a shoulder to cry on but please don't try to fit in and tell me your "infertility" story if you don't have one.  If you are going through this awful journey though, I hope this blog and my story will help you in some way.

If you are going through infertility, then you might be able to relate to my story.  If you aren't going through this, then maybe my story will help you understand and be there for a friend who is.  Just because you aren't going through it doesn't mean you can make up stories to "relate".  Just being there to listen is good enough. You don't' have to understand what we are going through, but know that you are making it worse by lying to "fit" in or one upping us to become a member of a club that we don't want to belong to in the first place. Be happy you don't have an all expense (unpaid) pass to our club meetings, because trust me...this shit is expensive! But hey...if you want to "relate" so bad, claim infertility, and fit in, I'll make a deal with you.  I will create a personalized membership card just for you and send you the invoice.  All it will cost you is one all-expense paid IVF cycle paid in full to my infertility doctor...for me!  :)

Hopeful or Hopeless?

So as you know, I'm in a better place now in my life with respect to trying to have a baby.  I can go to baby showers and not cry.  I can hold babies and not tear up. I can really be happy for all of my pregnant friends without feeling extremely envious.  This of course, took many years to happen. It did not happen overnight.

When we first started trying to have a baby, I would go through so many pregnancy tests (which isn't cheap!) at just the thought of my period being late.  If my period was a day late, I would test.  Of course it was negative, but I wasn't discouraged.  If anything, I was a little hopeful.  Maybe I tested too early and it was wrong.  Maybe I was that person who got the false negative!  Month after month I would test and month after month it would still be negative. It was okay, I was still hopeful....

Years later that hope started to fade away, and I was left feeling hopeless. Every month when Aunt Flo came to visit, a little piece of me disintegrated. If I thought about it too much, I always ended up a puddle of goo in tears laying in fetal position on the floor.  I had to stay strong. I had to move on and build up that wall (easier said than done!). I couldn't keep going through this month after month.  I was spending so much money on ovulation tests and pregnancy tests every month only to keep getting disappointed. Looking back on it I should have bought stock in the company.  If I would have bought stock back then, maybe I would be able to afford IVF now...

Today I'm starting to get my hope back more and more, but I'm cautious about it.  I can't emotionally invest too much. Each day is different. Each day I get stronger and stronger, but sometimes I slip back to my old self. The other month (when we were on a break from all of our fertility treatments) Aunt Flo was a day late. I got a little excited.  The butterflies were in my stomach. The "what if" thoughts started to drift into my head.  What if I'm finally pregnant?  What if this month it really happened?  What if the months of drugs and shots and fertility treatments really worked?  What if....

No!  I can't do that..I won't do that!  In that moment I knew what I had to do.  I HAD to shoot those daydreams down!  I forced the words and dreams out of my head.  I've worked so hard to get to where I am now, I can't slip back.  I wont go back!  I love being happy and excited.  I love having a little bit of hope, but I can't think like that anymore. When all of those hopes and dreams slip into my mind, I have to remember that it's not real.  I can dream, and I can wish, and I can hope, but not too much.  In the end, I need to be realistic.  I need to remember that right now we are on a break from fertility treatments and getting pregnant on our own isn't our reality. We haven't been able to get pregnant in the last 10 years on our own, so why would I think that it would happen now?

So my question to you is this: what's worse....being hopeful or being hopeless?  I'm still trying to figure that one out. I don't know if I'll ever have the answer...but here's hoping! :)

Bad Swimmers or Scrambled Eggs?

Now  that we're blogging about infertility we get a lot of people asking questions, talking to us about their struggles with infertility, and a lot of prayers and well wishes (keep them coming!!!)! This has been amazing in so many ways!  I don't feel so alone anymore and a part of me feels like I'm helping other couples going through the same thing. So far this has been an amazing experience...the blog, not the infertility!

So I got this question recently about our infertility…”So whose fault is it anyway?”  At first I was caught off guard but I answered like any person would, and stated the results of our numerous tests we've had. I wasn't offended by the curiosity (c’mon I’m blogging about my sex life and dropping trow in the middle of doctor’s offices’…how offended could I get?!?!), but the way the question was asked had me irked.  Whose fault?!?  Fault insinuates that there's blame in our situation.  Fault is negative. Fault suggests that there should be guilt and one of us ought to be ashamed of our infertility.

So now here is my new answer to that question: Infertility is happening to US!  We are a team.  Does it really matter if he has bad swimmers or if I have broken and scrambled eggs?  We are a united front and this is happening to the both of us. I don’t blame him, and he doesn't blame me.  Infertility is so hard on a marriage as it is, that if we started blaming each other for it we would have been divorced years ago. If you want to move forward, then you can’t have blame.  When asking, “Whose fault is it?” then you're assigning blame to a hard enough situation.  Come to think about it, I really should respond to that question with “Whose fault is it that you're so stupid and insensitive you Jackass!?”

Since we are now an open book about our journey and our struggles with infertility and we know people have questions, how about asking it like this: “Do you know the cause of your infertility?” or “Do you know the reason?” I’m not the most PC person, as you can tell by all of my swearing and snarkiness in my posts, but have a little common courtesy people.  Think before you speak because if you don’t, I may just end up calling you a jackass and direct you to my blog post Stupid S#!t People Say!

I would never wish infertility on anyone! It's not a "club" you want to belong to (as some people think it is...more on that later!) It's hard enough on a couple as it is without adding blame into the mix.  I've heard stories of where infertility has ripped people apart. I will not let that happen to us.  We've been through this together for 10 years.  We are a team, and we are one!  There isn't fault...but there is hope!